I'm still here.

I've had a few people asking where I've been lately... I'm sorry about that!  I've been trying to fix a few issues with myself, which is easier to do behind the scenes.

Most of it has been health related.  I've been focusing on trying to get back into a regimen that I had early last year: wake up, pack a healthy breakfast.... drink more water, take the vitamins that I know make a difference but for some reason still forget to take...

I'm also like a cat when it comes to changes.  Big or little.  Since I dyed my hair almost two weeks ago, I'm all on edge and skittish.

On top of that, everything I eat plays a role in how I feel (and think) about things.  Refined sugars and caffeine are an absolute no-no.  Taking too long between meals has this effect as well... sometimes sleeping in doesn't work out too well, especially after drinking.

Cabin fever.  That's a big one.  I need time outdoors.  If I had the ability to enjoy comfortable weather outside for a few hours a day every day, all year round, I think 99% of this would be resolved... but in Michigan, that's not really possible.

But really, let's be honest here -- people deal with this stuff (and much, much worse) on a daily basis.  They deal with it, and they're just fine.  I can't run around blaming all of the worry on little things around me... I love being in the same state as my family and friends, am I going to move just to get away from the cold?  That's stupid.  Instead of running away from things that make me nervous (insert cartoon image of a scared cat here..... from earlier cat reference), I want to break each one of these down and live like everyone else.

I'm overly critical of myself.  Everyone is... but I really am.  All of this used to be much worse 2-3 years back.  It's gradually gotten better.  Sometimes I just need those little bits of time where I over-exaggerate how bad everything really is, just to bring my motivation back up.  Right after those times is when I make the best changes.

So... that's where I've been.  It's been a little while, but I'm not going anywhere.

How have you all been?  We need to catch up.

Friday Letters.

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Dear Hair, you'll be quite different soon.  Sorry in advance for the major damage headed your way.  Blondes have more fun...?

Dear Bank Account, you'll be looking quite different with this change as well.

Dear, lovely Winter, how beautiful is this fresh blanket of snow you've provided this morning?  How great was the drive in this morning?!  Sorry, but I can't wait to see you go.

(Dear Boyfriend, thanks for the drive to work this morning :0])

Dear delicious, red Merlot, thank you for providing such wonderful stress relief last night.  Not so much thanks for the headache and heartburn this morning.

Dear camera, Sorry I haven't taken you out in a while.  (I really need to post the pictures I took when Dave and I visited Icefest in Frankenmuth.....)  I'll make it up to you soon.

Dear Friday, please, oh please, bring 5:00PM to me quickly because....

Dear WEEKEND, what would I do without you.  After this week, you're my only hope of keeping sanity.

-M.


February.


I miss being outside.

The snow is pretty, especially when the flakes are huge and it falls so slowly, but the cold air is uninviting.  I feel like I've been breathing the same recycled air for months now, and I think my skin hates it more than I do.  I feel closed in and trapped, and getting out of bed is so hard when it's barely twenty degrees outside.  I want to sit on my porch (more accurately, my little slab of concrete) and get up with the sun to take morning walks.  I want to sit outside through each sunset instead of watching them as I drive home from work.  More than anything, I hate hearing about pile-up crashes taking lives because of slippery roads and low visibility.

February is the usually the worst; thankfully once we hit March we can start remembering that it only gets better from there.

For me, the end of winter isn't just being able to effortlessly keep warm, but it's being able to wander outdoors, feel the comfort of the sun, and breathe in fresh air.  Something about me changes every year with the seasons; it's like I'm a whole new person when the sun comes out, and everything in nature is brought back to life again.  It feels like being whole again.

-M.