2012, a year through brighter eyes: Revisited.

We are halfway into 2012 already, unbelievable how quickly that went by right?! 

On the 2nd of January this year, I put together a list of resolutions to follow.  I wish I would have reflected on this more often… looking at them now, I didn’t follow them nearly as closely as I wanted to.

“My first new year’s resolution for 2012 is to look at each conflict in my life with clearer eyes.  I want to learn to base my decisions on honesty, respect, and kindness, and not react out of feelings like anger or jealousy.  I want to stay strong, calm, and rational through all situations.”

Boy, did I fail at this one badly.  With all the moving stress, I did nothing but focus on problems and worst case scenarios.  I completely let go and let the anger and frustration get the best of me at the absolute worst times.  Instead of looking around with ‘clearer eyes’ and basing my decisions on things like honesty and kindness, I freaked out and made every bad situation MUCH worse.  I can only imagine how smoothly everything could have gone if I were working with a clear, calm and controlled mind… in fact, I can only imagine how much better most aspects of my life would be if I had acted differently.  Maybe a good way to work on this would be to realize that even small negative reactions can make for HUGE unfavorable outcomes, even much later on.

“…another new year’s resolution on my list is something I've been focusing on already for a while, and I've found it's one of the easiest ways to build a strong foundation to a happier life.  I want to continue to discover the great things about myself, and stop focusing on all of the negative aspects -- or the things that just I believe are negative aspects.”

I actually did pretty well with this for a long time, my self-image was pretty high up there, but recently it’s taken a tumble.  I took on quite a bit in the past few months, but I keep looking back and thinking that I could have done it all in a million better ways… it doesn’t really make me think to highly of myself.  But, going forward, I can choose to remember the good parts of the last few months, like how I landed a killer job in another state and moved within a month, and I can choose to learn from the mistakes I made instead of dwelling on them.

“I want to focus on the things I love to do.  I want to pick my camera up more.  I want to go back to sitting at an electric piano for hours endlessly writing bits of music... and maybe actually turn those bits of music into something outstanding.  I also want to find new talents, and I want to improve in areas where I feel I'm not doing as well as I should be.  I don't want anything to do with trying to fit in. I want to find myself.”

I’m somewhat split on whether I followed this one closely or not.  I still have not gotten back to any hobbies of mine like music, but recently I’ve been trying to get into some newer ones.  I also haven’t really explored any new talents.  I have barely even touched my camera besides moving it from Michigan to Maryland.  I have, however, started a new job that really lets me exhibit my professional strengths as an Executive Assistant, which makes me feel great about myself, and it’s a great learning experience every single day.

I think from here on out, since I’ve got the job in check, I’m going to focus a little more on what I want to do for fun.  I need to pick a few hobbies and actually stick to them!

“Another new year’s resolution I feel strongly about is trying to create a life without unnecessary fear and worry.”

I absolutely did not follow this one at all.  Living a life without anxiety is going to require me to break a HUGE habit… it’s going to take some time.  However, even though I understand this, I still wish I would have made a little more progress… but this doesn’t mean I can’t fix it now.  As I mentioned in my last post, going forward, I’ll have an activity right at hand to block out any worrying. 

“Overall, I want to replace as much negativity in my life with happiness; because... what a life that would be.”

And, of course, this one is still my overall goal, and will be until I feel like I’ve got it on lock for the rest of my life.  Happiness is a habit I want to learn....unhappiness is the habit I wish to break.

I do want to add an additional resolution for 2012.  I'm not sure why I hadn't included this originally, at least not on its own.

For the rest of 2012 and going forward, I want to make sure to never let my emotions affect my relationships.

I learned the hard way recently that any nearly perfect relationship can come to a screeching halt when you pump enough negativity into it (obvious, right?).  It is obvious.  And I should have kept this in mind instead of taking advantage of everyone I had around me.  I think we live in a world nowadays with people who learn to just EXPECT things instead of having to earn them (lately, I am extremely guilty of this).  Respect is earned.  Love can be unconditional, but never take it for granted.  Friends are an important part of life, and it's important to remind them and yourself of their value once in a while.  I've hurt people recently, and in turn I am hurting myself tremendously.  From this point on, I want to fix as much as I can from the past, and prevent as much of it as I can from happening again in the future.

Remember- it is extremely true that a lot of times you will never realize what you have until it's gone.  Take a minute every once and I while to think about (and appreciate) all of the things or people you have in your life to be thankful for.  A good way to do this is to imagine how your life would be without them.

Sounds like a good habit to build, right?  One step closer to a happy life.

-M

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